May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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