my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
