He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
