Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
