Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
two words...techno handjob
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Randomize
