I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
I just found a bag of teeth...
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I'm like, not good at living.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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