Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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