I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Randomize
