So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
