I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
