i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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