It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
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