Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
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I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
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When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
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