and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
