Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
