drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
