no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Randomize
