the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
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