Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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