I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
