I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
