I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
