Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
meet me or not, i'm out of control
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I love you. Go after that dick
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
