Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I'm passing your future prison.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Randomize
