first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
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