handjob tips. give me some.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
