i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Randomize
