i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
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