i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize