We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Randomize
