The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Randomize
