So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
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