After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
