I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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