So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
