so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
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