I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
