He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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