I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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