My room smells like vodka and shame
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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