how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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