I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
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