You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
