checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
This toilet bowl is my home.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
