Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
