Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
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