So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
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