I hate your face
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
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