Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
