i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
