I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
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