Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
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