Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
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My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
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I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
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