i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
