No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Randomize
