If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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