Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Randomize
