She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
