My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
