my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
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