i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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