There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
