smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
