Yo dont text me then not text me
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
