I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
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