The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
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