My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Randomize
