I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
