I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
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I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
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I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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