We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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