I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
