I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
