Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
